Denver, Colorado

Ten weeks until I leave Denver for LA. I have spent so much time reading other people's blogs about Thailand, I thought now is the best time to start my own.

It doesn't seem real yet. I have bought the plane ticket (one way from LA to Bangkok, leaving August 2nd), the backpack, the shoes, have made arrangements for my stuff and my dog... I am wondering when it will hit me. Probably not until I start packing and moving. It will feel like the move to San Francisco, only with more excitement and less tears, I hope. The only big thing left to do is to tell my boss(es) that I am leaving, which I plan to do at the end of June. I just started this job three weeks ago and am already planning to leave it. That brings strange feelings while working. I don't feel as obliged to do the little things or get to know some of my co-workers like I usually would, because, after all, I am leaving soon.

Well that's it for today. More fears and anxieties and excitement to come.

I got my Thai Visa in the mail today. I was actually just wondering if I should call them to see if they had sent it, when I went to check my mail and there it was! My pretty American passport stamped with the stamp that will allow me to stay in Thailand for three months doing volunteer work. I will have to leave the country after three months and get a new visa, which should be an adventure. Most of the volunteers go to Cambodia, so I might follow in their footsteps and go see some of the temples and especially Angkor Wat. I figure that after three months of jungle life in Sangkhlaburi I will be ready for travel anywhere.
I am beyond excited now. Nervousness is creeping in. It's beginning to feel more real. I look around me and think of all the stuff I still have and wonder how I am going to get rid of it all. It is kind of frustrating though because I still need all this stuff, so won't be able to do any of the unloading until mid-July.
I made a rule for myself: I am no longer allow to buy anything (except food and toiletries) that I am not taking to Thailand. Of course it becomes a little complicated when I am at the Boulder Creek Fest and I see hundreds of booths with beautiful summer clothes and shoes, and I say "Well, I can use that in Thailand, right?"
Oh well.
68 more days until I leave for LA :)

So, it is officially official. As real as it can be, no turning back now. I quit my job today. It was harder than I thought it would be and my boss was angrier than I thought she would be. Although, she did say that while she could not guarantee me a position upon my return, she and several other people would vouch for my re-hire. That's the best I could hope for.

I have opted not to tell the rest of my co-workers yet. I want to give them enough time to see that I am doing this for the betterment of my future, and not just walking off on them, but I also don't want to start the rumor-mill. Hopefully the other directors and human resources people can give me some advice on that one.

Today I am feeling numb. I am excited, but lately the excitement is being overshadowed by nerves, and then I get overwhelmed and I just tune it all out. I occasionally (OK, more like often) wish I hadn't made such rash decisions all at once (quitting my job with Agape, deciding to take this trip, and ending my four year relationship all within a few weeks of each other), but I know that I have to stick with my decisions and not let fear continue to rule my life.

Onward and forward, it's the only direction to go!

19 days and counting. It is still so surreal. I wonder when it will hit me? I am excited most days, nervous others. Mostly just anxious about what I need to pack and what I need to sell or give away. I can only fit so much into my car and my dad's storage. Oddly enough I am also anxious about coming home. Strange that I am more worried about that than I am about leaving and being in Thailand for six months. I guess I know this trip is temporary, but coming back will be permanent. Except I have no permanence here. I will have no home, no belongings except that which is on my back and in my car, and who knows where my friends will be or what they will be doing in their lives. I worry about reverse culture shock and what it will be like for me to come back to a society that has everything after living in one that has nothing.

I realized one thing recently: It doesn't matter anymore if I made the right decisions or not. I made them and I chose to do this, there is no going back. All I can do is move forward. It is scary, it will be lonely and uncomfortable, but it will also be beautiful. I will learn so much about my self and my limits, what I can and cannot do as Ani. On the days that I am feeling lonely or scared I will remember this. And that no matter where in the world I am, we will still be looking at the same moon and stars.

One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Here I go.

I wanted to share the email I got from the physician that I will be working with at Baan Unrak. I am feeling better now that I know what I will be doing and what some of my duties entail. She is from Italy and so her written English is ...interesting, but you get the jest.

Hi Dear Annabel,

how are you?

This is Didi we have been in touch before...

I have been here for the last 3 months and beside some other work I am also supervising the ' Medical Center' here in Baan Unrak.
I have a medical back ground and I use alternative healing tecnniques and homeopathy.

What we will be doing in the coming months is:
to talke care of anyone ( children and adults) that get sick here in B.U.
We have also some patients coming from the near village
3 days in every months we are doing Relief work , we are going in some villages where there are Burmese refugies andf we give them some food , and medical care and some time providing housing and hospitalize them when it is needed.

I would like to do a training for first aid in the near future and more trainings about Igene and other trainings concerning health

I started to treat some disabled children with homeopathy, and there are more that need treatment...
I would like to improve the health of the children in all the way I can , also by improving the quality of the food they eat dealy an other things.......

We are in a fase of renewal. we will painting soon the walls of the medical center and make some structural change inside ....I have in mind to create a laboratory ( the room next to the clinic) where to make in the future natural medicines..
I am trying to get sponsorship to get a machine to make homeopathic medicine...
We will shift also the relief store... and some more changes....

You can be part of all this, and we can plan some things togheter....
More ideas will come up in the process and we will procede step by step and a step at a time.. :-)
I love change and see things progressing...

From your Cv in see that you would like to teach english and maybe do some other activities with the children .....
there are plenty opportunities here...

I think we will work nicely togheter for the wealfare of all this people....

Also, I got the OK for people to send me packages while I am there, so if you are interested just see the website or email me. I also found out there is laundry services! That will make my life easier, and I will have less to pack as I know I can wash my clothes and not worry about them taking 4 days to dry.

Thanks for reading and hopefully the next time you hear from me I may actually be on the other side of the world.

Love to you all <3