Hong Kong, Hong Kong

Well, here I am, on the plane to China. Going to Hong Kong for the weekend, and then, eventually back to Sangkhlaburi, or what I like to call home.

A very different feeling than the last time I made this trip, 3 months ago to the day. The fear has been replaced with sadness at what I know I am leaving behind. I know now what to look forward to and what not to look forward to. I miss the kids and can't wait to have them in my arms again. If there ever was a better therapy than a child's hug, I didn't know about it until recently. Little balls of light... they truly are.

The same soundtrack plays on my laptop as it did on August 4th during the 14 hour plane ride to China. It reminds me that as much as my feelings and some circumstances have changed, I am still Ani, with the same music, the same clothes, most of the same outlooks on life.

I found out last night that my medic is leaving Sangkhlaburi tomorrow to go back to Burma. I am heartbroken. I did not get to say goodbye and there is no way to contact him. No email, no computer, he doesn't know his address because no one has ever sent him mail, and no cell phone. He was truly the person that kept me going on most days, gave me something to look forward to getting out of bed for. He taught me so much, had so much more to offer, and I will miss him greatly. One of these days I will sit down and share his story with you, but I have to know he is safe and I can protect his identity before doing so. The poor kid just wants to be at home with his family.

Unfortunately this means more than just heartbreak for me. It means twice the work, without a translator. Which I know I can handle, even learning how to drive the motorbike. I have to step up and my medic's departure is forcing me to do so. I guess now is the time to dive full on into Baan Unrak and all that accompanies that. I will learn Burmese to the best of my ability, I will learn homeopathy to the best of my ability, and I will study the fat book of tropical diseases that I've been meaning to read for 3 months now. I will give my all to the kids and their needs, and really try to build relationships with them and the community.

I was scared to dive so deep before I left for America, because I did not know how long I would be calling Sangkhla home. I didn't know if I would leave after 3 months, or stay the whole six months. I still don't, but I can say that my last few weeks spent in Thailand I fell in love, and going to America reaffirmed my love for that place and those people. And I will devote myself to them, for as long as I can. Because that is what you do when you are in love, right?

Anyone who lives abroad will tell you that the feelings of living abroad are not all good ones. You have to live a life of two worlds, one of a former life, and one of a current life in a world where people from your former life do not understand, and can never understand. It is a life of guilt, living abroad. Guilt at leaving the ones who love and care for you behind, guilt at leaving the ones I love behind. The frustration at not being able to share this life with the people you love. Straddling yourself in two different worlds, trying desperately to connect the two, however futile. Trying to make sense of it all, why you are there, doing what you are doing, are you making a difference? Trying to find direction in life. I think we are all wanderers, and I wonder if this is finally the place I can call home. It is, in fact, the most "at home" I have ever felt in my life.

My future is uncertain, and that is damn scary. But I have developed this strength that I didn't know was there, this certainty that whatever happens, happens for a reason. That I am exactly where I am supposed to be, and doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. In the words of my medic: "you don't worry Ani, water follow, fish follow". Whatever will be, will be.

I got into Hong Kong on Friday night, 1am. It was a very long flight from LA to Shanghai in which I only managed to sleep 30 minutes of the 14 hours. I did, however, manage to watch the entire season five of Dexter and was quite impressed.

I didn't tell y'all that I was going to Hong Kong did I?

It was a surprise for me too. My good friend, Sayab, whom I've known since high school is visiting China, Hong Kong and Tokyo for a month and invited me to spend the weekend with him on my way back to Thailand. I had already requested the time off "work" for my root canal, but, really? Root canal or Hong Kong? Yeah, easy choice.

So there I was, 2am in a hostel the size of a closet. So... Chinese. I slept 5 hours then woke up in full jetlag style and headed to Starbucks. I managed to go the whole time in the US without a Starbucks and I give in in Hong Kong. Oh well. After a bit of caffeine I met up with Sayab and his girlfriend Nikki and we got some baked goods then headed up to The Peak, the highest point in HK. It was so cool! Taking the trolly thing up the steepest hill second only to the one in New Zealand and seeing the amazing skyline form behind us. We went to the wax museum and had lots of fun taking pictures with random celebrities and political figures, including Bush, Obama, Clinton and Sadam Hussein... all in a row.

The Peak is really freaking awesome and I highly recommend it. During the day or at night, the HK skyline is incredible! It is so compact and looks like a model city from above.

Then we went to High Tea at the Four Seasons hotel which was a trip. I forgot that I was in Asia. The material wealth of Hong Kong is astounding. There seems to be no middle class. Or lower class for that matter. Everything is Versaci, Gucci, and Armani. And shiny. Everything is very shiny.

I ate my heart out and drank good tea and was very content after the four hour Tea break. I went back to the hostel for a bit and then headed back out to meet Sayab and Nikki for dinner. Yes, more food.

We ate at the oldest restaurant in HK. It's the Chinese take on Western food. Lots of different animals. We had pidgeons, chickens, pork, and maybe some cow thrown in for fun. SO much food! And then souflee. I swore I would never eat again.

After stuffing ourselves to the brink of explosion for the second time that day we headed to karaoke. Because that is what you do in Hong Kong. It was fun, until the sleepiness hit me full force and I had to call it a night. I really enjoyed meeting the local HK kids who Nikki grew up with. They are all ethnic Chinese, some were born and raised in HK yet speak with a perfect American accent. They also speak Cantonese perfectly.

I crashed hard and slept like a baby. A very full and happy baby.