Another Place, Not Mexico

Disclaimer: The follow story is completely fictional and is intended purely for entertainment purposes. All references and/or names are completely fabricated and in no way represent any real individuals. Also, all pictures/videos relating to this story have been electronically manipulated using Photoshop and a certain creative license has been added to enhance the general feel of believability. Again, this is a story, although I will be writing in first person but purely as a literary technique and it is not intended to portray reality or give the sense that I was actually at a true destination. And now with the legal formalities behind me, we begin....

Ahhhh, the anticipation to carry off to a forbidden exotic land. Lets just say I have always been fascinated on going to this country but didn't really think it would ever come to pass due to the logistics and lack of local knowledge. That all changed with a Mexican resident I have befriended named, lets just call him Ernie. Now Ernie is a jovial character who is well educated and after working in the corporate world decided to make a life changing decision and move from Mexico City and live on the beach. I don't think he has or will be regretting his decision. Anyway, one night why expounding on the virtues of this fictitious country to me and another friend I met, lets call him Glen, and several cocktails we decide take the plunge. Now Ernie has been here before and actually as I found out it is a very common destination for Mexicans because it is cheaper. I'm sold. So after a few phone calls we have our tickets and we are off to the airport the next day.

From here on out I am not going to write many details other than it was a very interesting experience. I will primarily just comment on the 'digitally enhanced photos' instead. I will say, though, the whole country is locked literally in a 50 year time freeze. It seems as if nothing of any significance has taken place since the new 'regime' has taken control especially in terms of construction or general thought/ideas. Now there are mega foreign resorts but they are generally far outside the major city we resided. There is two monetary systems that were beyond confusing and that is not including the black market system. Long lines are common for the masses, things are barely holding together and everything is patch worked together, and in general very poor condition. There are tourists but it seems they don't come to the city except for day trips to see the sites. It also is expensive, which is relative, but you constantly feel like you are getting fleeced because of the dual currency. Basically there is a currency for the people or the "national currency" and the CUC or as I like to call it the Cuckoo. Foreigners generally pay with the CUC and it ain't cheap. The exchange is 1:1 to the Dollar but they immediately take 20% off the top at all of the government run exchanges. The national currency is 28:1 . Lets just say if I was by myself I thought I was being completely taken but with two spanish speaking amigos and one that had been there several times, albiet the last was a few years ago, both were rubbing there heads in confusement. There is almost no restaurants or bars in comparison to other city's of the same size but they do have some night clubs/discos which is a whole other story. We had a great dinner our first night which you couldn't even tell it was a restaurant until you went through a gate. It was in a nice residential area and honestly looked like a house but opened up in the middle and was quite large. As mentioned the food was great, a little pricier than we anticipated but they threw in candles for free when the lights went off both times. Actually that was the theme for the whole night. Rolling black outs. It was actually quite amusing and didn't break our stride in the least.

I never felt unsafe and actually didn't see any crime or get the sense it was an issue. There were a couple of police here and there but no sign of military or federal presence.

We ended up staying in an elderly couples house converted to basically rooms for rent. We were told we were staying in one of the nicest neighborhoods but It made me really question what a bad neighborhood was. Not bad in the sense of unsafe but these were once fabulous houses, actually the architecture of most the houses is incredible, but after decades of neglect and no money to maintain them they tend to go in a state of disarray and cheap solutions are quickly invented to circumvent a problem that you no longer can get parts for even if you could afford them.

The nightlife.....hmmm, very interesting and entertaining. The music was incredible and people love to dance although I only think I barely improved my salsa moves. Being that my mother is reading this blog I will leave the story at that.

We walked much of the city and again the architecture is awesome. We went to the bar that was home of the Daquiri and the bar home to the Mojito and yes we imbibed at both places. Lets just say our tour was lubricated with copious amounts of rum and we followed in Ernest Hemingway's path (Most of the places we visited where his frequented haunts and for good reason).

On Thursday we went to the beach and it was beautiful. The weather was so so but it was nice to get out of the city. On the way back we had a person drive us in his car back to the city that broke down in literally the worst and most unsafe areas.....the underground tunnel under the river connecting the city from the airport. Now, this is a very busy tunnel and an arterial with only two lanes. The car we were in was a Lada, or an old russian car that is common here but leaves alot to be desired for comfort or quality. Our back end starts to grind and then it sounds like we have lost a wheel. He has no hazards and we are on a curve. We have to walk about half a kilometer out of the tunnel dodging buses and cars. I thought it was comical but everytime I hugged the walls to wait for a car to pass i was covered in soot from all the exhaust. Well, we made it out no worse for wear but a little dirty. I have no idea how the guy was going to get his car out and we had rented the car illegally since he was not actually a taxi. Causing trouble everywhere we go, I know.

The plane ride back was a trip. We flew an old soviet YAK jet which was not much better than an old school bus. It wreaked of the bathroom through out the cabin and while we were waiting on the run way smoke (as it turns out it was mist) comes bellowing out all over. The bottom half of the plane is covered in thick mist which was very disconcerting. You have to see the photos and video.

General philosophical thoughts is there is no way that this type of political ideology can be maintained. Theory is a far cry from reality and it will be interesting when it will collapse. The people are cordial but it is weird and still don't know how to describe their general outlook on life. Anyway this is by far one of the most bizarre cities I have ever been to and unfortunately would not recommend this to anyone except for the novelty. There are far to many other countries and cities to visit that are a better a value and pleasurable. But then again this is completely fictitious and only one humble man's opinion.